I love pirates because they have no concept on albeism. oh you have no leg? here have a peg leg. no hand?? well guess we gotta put a hook on that, give those sons of bitches a surprise. Blind in one eye, put an eyepatch on no one fucking cares, youre deaf??? go man the canons you glorious bastard.They dont care if youre disabled bcus as long as you can fuck shit up they literally dont fucking care.
some muggleborn like “i want to be an astronaut when i grow up!”
wizard kids like “wtf is an astronaut”
"oh you know…the people who go to the moon"
implying that magical children would know literally nothing outside of the wizarding world
christmas is so much worse as you get older it’s like “what do you want this year?” “a sense of purpose”
"a career" "financial security" "a sex life" "tuition for grad school" "alcohol" "a nap" "socks would be nice"
WAKE UP AMERICA.
THESE ARE ‘WAFFLE FRIES’
THESE ARE POTATO WAFFLES
YOU ARE MISSING OUT ON POTATO WAFFLES AS WELL AS FREE HEALTH SERVICE AND ME. I PITY YOU.
it sucks being the ugly quiet rude sarcastic emotionally unstable friend with the attention span of a goldfish
i’ve never read something so accurate
My roommate and I are really sick and we look like shit, but we were hungry so we ordered pizza.
But we didn’t want anyone to see us, so we asked them over the phone if we can leave the money on the door and they can just drop off the pizza.
The guy said sure.
So we decided to leave a nice little note
and we hung it above the door bell. I hope they like it!
the pizza guy spelled domino’s wrong